Another Setback

I am not even sure what the tone of this update should be- anger? devastation? disbelief? When we first saw Stanley's picture 14 months ago, we dreamed of raising our baby son, then we came to grips that he would likely be walking and talking by the time he came home, and now, we wonder if and when he'll ever make it home. Basically, the Director of IBESR, the stage we have been stuck in and waiting for dispensation from, has stated that she will not be referring any cases for dispensation that don't meet the age requirement (35 or older), which we don't. So, we can't move on and get the signatures we need to bring Stanley home. Our agency director explained that they will continue to plead our case but we may be asked to make a personal plea when we travel in November to the director herself! I actually would welcome that opportunity- it would finally feel like we were doing something, rather than sitting and waiting. I am not good at being a passive participant. We are terrified that neither option will work, and then- where are we? Do we let Stanley sit in an orphanage for 4 years until we turn 35? Do we somehow accept that he would be better off if another family pursued him? As Michael and I walked around town crying last night, we felt such a familiar panic. It felt like someone had just told us that Blake wasn't coming home again. I don't know if we have it in us to fight again. Part of the draw to adopting internationally was that we would not be "pleading our case" or selling ourselves like with domestic adoption- and here we are, gearing up to try to convince yet one more person that we are worthy enough to be parents to our child. Of course, we have it in us. Of course we will fight for Stanley. In the meantime, we wait. And, it sucks.

Trip and updates!

Anyone who has been following our journey knows that we have been waiting since January to get out of a stage of the adoption process called IBESR. This stage was expected to take 4 months or so and until last week we hadn't heard anything about our case. As expected, we got word that our file will require presidential dispensation because we don't fit the criteria (age 35, married for 10 years) that is legally required for adoptive families. While we are happy to at least know that our file isn't stuck on a shelf somewhere, we have NO idea how long the presidential dispensation process is going to take. One day, we will just get a call that it is out. It could be tomorrow or it could be 6 months from now.

We just got word that some good friends of ours are out of IBESR and while we couldn't be happier for them, it is another reminder of how arbitrary the process is! Their file didn't require presidential dispensation even though they have been married even fewer years than we have.

On another note, we found out that instead of joining our agency on a large group trip in December, we will be traveling with 2 or 3 other families in November to visit our kids. I guess there were too many families to travel at once on this trip. No surprise as families like us have been waiting for our children for much longer than anticipated.

I have never felt comfortable asking people to help fund the adoption or the trips (although I completely understand why so many families need to do that!!!). Instead, we figure that we will ask people to help us bring donations to the orphanage when we go. If you are interested in donating items for us to bring down, let us know!

More later...